Military Spouse Magazine

FEB 2019

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Page 16 of 35

FALLING BACK IN LOVE You see, we were so stuck keeping score and dead-set on being right that we had forgotten the fundamen- tal things that brought us together in the first place. What resonated the most were the little things. It was evident as I read my list to him, tears running down my face, that he heard me. Like, really heard me, his face softening in a way that had become the exception to the norm. Then, he shared his. The abundant amount of thought- fulness in the details woke me up. The nuances, only people with history, deep friendship, and deep love, understand. It was then I realized ours was a relationship worthy of an epic rescue strategy. While we had been vacillating in the rage and the anger and the resentment, I couldn't imag- ine how he still was able to see those sweet nothings in me, and I, in him. His chicken scratch made me smile, knowing I am one of the few people on the planet who can un- derstand his scribble from a mile away; it has become as familiar as a hidden birthmark or dimple, only people who really know you, know. How ever you end up getting to that space, sitting across from the person you vowed to be with through good times and bad, you must make the decision ifyour relationship is worth fighting for. Then, roll up your sleeves in true military fashion and do the work, and never forget what sharing those sweet nothings from your heart will do. H I have learned a lot since those days we sat hardened and broken in that therapy room. I'm glad we put pen to paper and decided to stay and fight. Many other military couples could shake their heads and say, "That's us. We've been there!" GETTING HELP Although every family is different and is faced with their own unique situa- tions, finding a way to get through the hard patches is critical for longev- ity. Whether you find your way with the help of a pastor or chaplain, a therapist, or a trusted friend, the key is to take action-steps to move through the resentment, pain, and hurts. For us, it meant an exercise, re- flecting on the things we saw in each other that fed our hearts. For others it could be learning tools to fight fair, balance work-home life, or the like. A marriage counselor can be an invaluable resource. Most duty stations offer these services. If not, check your local area for a licensed marriage and family counselor. I found ours by asking a trusted friend. Interviewing this indi- vidual to ensure they are a good fit may save you time and money in the long term.

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