something I am circumspect about; I
don't trust my children with just any-
one. Trusting someone with my son's
memory is just as nerve wracking.
The complicated questions about my
kids are about to come up a lot. My hus-
band just received new orders; we'll move
soon. While I feel ready for the practicali-
ties of the upcoming move, I'm already
painfully aware that I will end up having
"the conversation" many times as we
settle in to our new duty station, meet new
people, go on new playdates, and weave
ourselves into the fabric of a new home.
I'll have to feel out new friends for
their worthiness of this raw piece of my
personal history. I'll continue to work to
make my girls understand the valuable
role their brother plays in our family as he
becomes a more distant memory to Ellie
and even less tangible a concept to Poppy.
We'll no longer be in the place where
I was pregnant with Sam, the last place
where he was alive. We'll no longer be
in the place where Sam was buried.
Without those physical connections to
him, the emotional ones will have to be
the ones I lean on to keep his memory
alive. So maybe in our new duty sta-
tion, when someone asks me how many
kids I have, I'll start saying, "I have two
girls at home. And one very special little
boy, who we had to leave behind…" H
Photo credit: Now I Lay Me Down
to Sleep is a nonprofit organization
that provides free professional
remembrance photography to parents
suffering the loss of a baby,
nowilaymedowntosleep.org
FEBRUARY 2019
/
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